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My oldest, a junior in high school, has spent most of the summer away. She just got back from studying Spanish for three weeks in Costa Rica and tomorrow I take her to New York for screen-writing school for the rest of the summer.
I have prided myself in preparing my children for the outside world. They are well traveled and take the bumps in life without much panic. Lexie has handled all the prep and paperwork for the screen writing school and is quite calm about getting her Metrocard and negotiating the subway everyday to school.
The one thing I have taken from my upbringing that I thought was important to pass on to my children is a feeling of independence; being pushed out of the nest earlier than most kids and being given responsibilities that, if I didn't complete, would be left to suffer the consequences. What I think that has done for my children is make them honest. By letting Lexie do all the research for the school, she has been able to determine for herself if it is something she can handle and if it's worth the cost, financially and otherwise. She has said no to things before so I'm sure she is ready for this. The problem is, I'm not.
I'm starting to feel that pang that I'm sure most parents feel that day their kids graduate - a mixture of pride and dread. I miss her contribution to the family; her dry wit, the quiet way she goes about her chores without (much) protest, her encouragement of her siblings. She's also the only one, other than her father, that I can see an R-rated movie with.
I have one more year with her under my roof and I plan on enjoying every minute of it, even the bad stuff.
I have had my moments where I’ve probably over-protected my children. Like that phase I went through after I read that most toddlers die in car accidents between 2-4 PM on Saturdays and I never went anywhere between 2 and 4 on Saturdays for a couple of months. But I’ve also been accused of being too reckless. I let my two girls, ages 12 and 14, walk two blocks by themselves in New York City in broad daylight to the Ann Taylor Loft store because one of them wanted to buy a scarf she saw in the window and we were on our way to the theater and I was still trying to get their brother dressed. I was probably 10 minutes behind them, but when I relayed the story to a friend it was like I sent them to their doom. In those 10 minutes they could have started a life of prostitution.
At 14 my oldest went to Costa Rica to learn Spanish for a month. This summer at 16 she is going back then going to NYC for 4 weeks to film school where she will have to take the subway everyday. Once again, I’ve been given the 3rd degree. “Aren’t you scared?” “What if she gets lost?” “New York is so dangerous. What if something happens?” It’s like these people think I’m going to send my daughter into the big bad world with no preparation whatsoever. She has been to New York six times and made her way around London. I’ve had her get us from point A to point B, which is the challenge of any kind of travel. We’ve been lost and she’s helped get us on the right track without panicking. She can hail a cab and read a subway map. If something did happen in New York, like a bus hits her, I would be upset if she were 16, 24, or 45. Keeping her home doesn’t automatically mean she will be safe or that I would feel better if she were hit by a bus closer to home.
The other day I stumbled upon a website devoted to raising Free Range Kids. I didn’t know there was an actual movement. In an article it put very succinctly what I haven’t been able to get across to my alarmist friends and family – my job is to raise adults. Every child is different. Not every 14 year old that could speak Spanish was allowed to go to Costa Rica that first year. The teacher chose them based on maturity. I think the secret is to know your child and what he/she can handle arm them with knowledge then let them use it. Yes, there are people who send their children into the world unprepared, but not everyone does.
Being a photographer that shoots a lot of teenagers, I've been watching the Miley Cyrus/Vanity Fair controversy pretty closely. Everyone is talking about the bare-back photo and, honestly I don't get it. I see more skin than that at prom. Far more disturbing is the photo of Miss Cyrus and her dad, Billy Ray. She is very suggestively draped across his lap with her hip bones jutting out holding his hand. To me that photo is more representative of daddy using daughter to boost his career than the very empowering photo of her by herself. Rebecca Traister on Salon has been the only journalist I've heard or read that noticed that little gem.
As far as Annie Leibovitz's role in all this, she did her job. It's any photographers job to push the subject matter as far as it is willing to go. Some have said that Leibovitz exploited Miley for her own gain. Not any more than her father has/did. A young girl coming to terms with her own sexuality is one thing. Being helped by her father is something totally different.
During my arduous trip to DC I was able to capture a few images. Mina is always good for a shot.
